Posted on April 6, 2009 - by Marie

Are you ready for a baby?

When you grow up and get out on your own, the first question parents ask is when you are going to get married. When you get married, they want to know when you will get pregnant. They want grandkids. Stop that runaway train right now. It’s okay for them to want grandkids, but the only truly relevant question is: Are you ready for a baby? Do you really want one, and do you know enough about the responsibilities to make an informed decision?

Let’s consider for a moment the type of career that you have or plan to have. Most careers take time and effort to manage. If your dream is to climb that corporate ladder or to be a pediatric surgeon, go for it. That is why we have dreams - to see them fulfilled. So fulfill your dreams and then concentrate on starting a family if that’s what you choose to do.

The next item you should take into consideration is your spouse. Are they ready for children at this time or would they prefer to wait a bit longer? Or do they even want children at all? What are their dreams and goals for the future? Talk with them about children and when you want to start your family. Waiting until later in the marriage is not a negative answer and is something you should be proud of if that’s the choice you make together.

The answer is also not getting pregnant “by accident”. You would be surprised how many of our gender (meaning women) do just that because they want a baby right now and their significant other would rather wait. Telling your husband that it “just happened” will never, ever go over well. It’s very unfair to him and the child. A child needs both parents’ full support. When you make the decision as a couple, stick together to it.

Consider your financial situation. A young couple just getting married with not much money between them might consider putting children on hold until they are in a better financial situation. Conversations surrounding this matter need to be clear: We want children, but will wait until we are on a better financial footing. Raising children is expensive and anyone who thinks otherwise is only fooling themselves. You can live on a frugal budget, but the family’s health and safety need to be remembered. What if someone gets sick or an accident happens?

The particulars of that financial footing are determined by the couple and need to be thought through as soon as the topic of starting a family arises. One person can always contend that they are not yet secure enough. Here’s the flip side of that argument: If you wait until everything in your life is perfect, you will never have a child.

We all want to give our future children the best in life, but as parents we’ll never be able to give them everything, nor should we. So, if you want children, but think you have to wait until everything is right on spot financially, you’ll probably be waiting a very long time.

Okay, it is alright to wait a while for children and it is alright to have a child sooner rather than later. There is no rule that says you can’t enjoy your lives together first, before bringing another life into the world. A child shouldn’t make you feel trapped, but full of love and hope for the future. All women are not ready for the commitment that motherhood brings and neither are all men. However, when you are ready to make that commitment you will know. And remember, your parents, in-laws, and friends can wait until that time comes.

Picture from flickr.

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Last 5 posts by Marie

• What happens in childbirth classes - April 23rd, 2009
• Exercise during pregnancy - April 15th, 2009
• How to find the right obstetrician - April 13th, 2009
• Planning a pregnancy - April 8th, 2009
• Is back pain or morning sickness killing you? - April 7th, 2009